Innocent Lamb

It’s summer, and I’ve been taking a much-needed break from most of my life, including blogging. I just got the urge to blog today. Can’t promise there’ll be anything else for another month. We’ll just have to see.

Just to let everyone know, there’s not much news on the adoption front. Whenever anyone asks what’s going on with the adoption, my answer is “Just waiting.” Actually, we are in the process of updating our homestudy to renew our approval to adopt from US Immigration Services. It’s just about like doing a homestudy all over again–lots of paperwork. This approval is good for 18 months, so hopefully we won’t have to renew it again. We may just have a little girl by then!

In other news, my baby is five years old today! Titus has been a great baby of the family. He has finally quit reminding me in the past few months “But I’m still a baby.” So I’m taking that as a sign that he’s ready to grow up a little. But one of his favorite things to do is to pretend that he’s a baby animal and that I’m a mommy animal and to cuddle up to me and talk about how much baby pandas (or whatever the animal of the day is that day) needs his mommy. Very sweet!

The Next Rob Bell? (Actually Titus is wearing his Daddy’s glasses, and I think he’s doing an imitation of his dad.)

Titus loves to imitate characters in movies we watch. He has been going around imitating Wall*E from the previews we’ve seen. So he had a Wall*E birthday party. He had a friend sleepover, and we went to see Wall*E. It was really cute!

My Baby

Now to the title “Less-Wild Lovers”: I was reading one of Ransomed Heart’s Daily e-mails this morning:

The Religious Man or Woman is a popular story option in which we try to reduce the wildness of life by constructing a system of promises and rewards, a contract that will obligate God to grant us exemption from the Arrows. It really doesn’t matter what the particular group bargain is-doctrinal adherence, moral living, or some sort of spiritual experience-the desire is the same: taming God in order to tame life. Never mind those deep yearnings of the soul; never mind the nagging awareness that God is not cooperating. If the system isn’t working, it’s because we’re not doing it right. There’s always something to work on, with the promise of abundant life just around the corner. Plenty of churches and leaders are ready to show you how to cut a deal.

These stories comprise what James McClendon calls the “tournament of narratives” in our culture, a clash of many small dramas competing for our heart. Through baseball and politics and music and sex and even church, we are searching desperately for a Larger Story in which to live and find our role. All of these smaller stories offer a taste of meaning, adventure, or connectedness. But none of them offer the real thing; they aren’t large enough. Our loss of confidence in a Larger Story is the reason we demand immediate gratification. We need a sense of being alive now, for now is all we have. Without a past that was planned for us and a future that waits for us, we are trapped in the present. There’s not enough room for our souls in the present. (The Sacred Romance, 42-43)

A friend and I recently had a discussion about the common belief among fellow Christ-followers that if I do everything right then God is not going to let anything bad happen to me. Although I don’t believe this to be true, I find myself whenever I’m going through a difficult time angrily saying to God, “I’ve tried my best to live my life the way you want me to! Why is this happening to me?”

Two lines from another Ransomed Heart daily e-mail I read today jumped out at me. “[God's] wooing seems wild because he seeks to free our heart from the attachments and addictions we’ve chosen, thanks to the Arrows we’ve know.” and “Satan is the mortal enemy of God and therefore ours as well, who comes with offers of less-wild lovers, hoping to deceive us in order to destroy our heart and thus prevent our salvation or cripple our sanctification.”

This reminds me of a song I’ve recently fallen in love with by Kendall Payne called “Aslan”. It is based on the part from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe where Lucy, after discovering that Aslan is a lion, asks Mr. Beaver if Aslan’s safe. Mr. Beaver replies, “Safe?…Who said anything about being safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

Don’t stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He’s not safe, no he’s not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?
The King above all Kings is coming down

Chorus:
But He won’t say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don’t do the deeds you know that He could
He won’t think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good

I know you’re thirsty, the water is free
But I should warn you, it costs everything
Well, He’s not fair, no He’s not fair
When He fixes what’s beyond repair
And graces everyone that don’t deserve

No one knows Him whom eyes never seen
No, I don’t know Him but He knows me
He knows me, He knows me

Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without His incision, you can’t enter in
He cuts deep, yeah He cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind

Just some things to think on. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

Above are rescue workers digging through rubble from China’s earthquake that occurred a week ago today. 32,477 people are confirmed dead and 35,000 are still missing.

So far there have been no confirmed deaths in any orphanages, but some orphanages are already receiving newly-orphaned children. At Half the Sky’s website there is a map of affected orphanages. Many of the orphanages have moved the children to tents due to aftershocks and possible earthquake damage to their buildings.

Here is a sad story from Half the Sky’s update today:

Shifang saw many of its schools destroyed, hundreds of children and their
teachers buried. They sent us this heartbreaking story during the rescue
efforts at Hongbai Primary School:

“‘We found him!’ Teacher Zhang Huibing’s body was finally discovered,
frozen in a posture of pushing against the door frame. According to the
students saved by him, when the earthquake happened, Teacher Zhang was on
the platform of the classroom on the second floor, which was very near the
door. He yelled to the students, ‘Run outside! Hurry!’ And he somehow
held the door frame up with both arms as the children ran out, one by one.
Just as all the students were safely evacuated, the building collapsed on
him. Teacher Zhang, who was only 30 years-old, had a four-year-old child
of his own.”

Half the Sky is focusing their emergency help towards children in need. You can donate at this site .

Most of you have probably heard about the devastating earthquake that occurred in China on Monday. Half the Sky is one of my favorite charities which helps improve the lives of orphans in China. They have been sending daily e-mail updates on the conditions in China which they receive from reports directly from the Chinese Ministry of Civil Affairs. The following is from Half the Sky’s e-mail update today:

As of now, Thursday afternoon in China, there are 14,866 people confirmed
dead, 14,463 in Sichuan Province. There are 22,438 people reported
missing – 21,020 of them in Deyang alone. There have been 3,300
aftershocks and they continue.

Also, there were thousands school children who were buried in collapsed buildings which rescue workers are continuing to uncover.

In cooperation with China’s Ministry of Civil Affairs, Half the Sky has set up the Children’s Emergency Fund. The following is from today’s e-mail:

Donations will be used to provide emergency
and long-term relief to children affected by the disaster, including
emergency shelter, food, and medical care for children orphaned or
separated from their families, as well as temporary or long-term foster
care or, if necessary, temporary institutional care. The ministry has
guaranteed that the funds will be used only to help the children.

Today the Ford Motor Company announced that they would match every gift donated to Half the Sky’s fund at this site.

Please pray for the grieving families, the children who have been separated from their families, rescue workers, and everyone who has been affected by this tragedy.

Why I do not have time to blog:

Since I do not have time these days to write anything, here’s an e-mail I received that I think is hilarious!

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
All answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions :

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related..
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name..
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect? I really like this one!
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. O utside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d GET rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Last night Caleb, who just turned eight last Saturday, had his first baseball game of the year. He was so excited; all day he kept asking “How much longer til I can put my uniform on?”

I LOVE watching Caleb play baseball or any kind of sport for that matter. In fact, I just love watching him move! This boy was made to move! I don’t know any other way to describe him other than the phrase poetry in motion. He is grace, agility, and speed in perfect combination. (No motherly bias here. ;-)  ) He takes such joy in it too.

It kind of reminds me of how we appear and the joy we experience whenever we are doing what we were made to do. And I’m sure God looks at us with pride and smiles just the way I look at Caleb.

If you’ve been reading since last fall, then you may remember my struggles with the suicide of my cousin Penny last September. I have recently been writing a letter to her nieces whose mother also committed suicide. I have been writing to them memories that I have of their mother and aunt from our childhood. I am also sending them an excerpt from my journal which I also read at Penny’s memorial service in November. It was comforting to me to read these words again, so I thought I would share them in the hope that it might encourage someone else.

3:00am, October 19, 2007:

I have struggled some with Penny’s death. Questions like, “Where were you, God, all the times Penny cried out to you in her journals?” God is faithful. God is good. God is true. He is there in the middle of the questions.

My friend Angie says that the way to honor Penny is by going a little further with the next person in desperate need. Boldly speaking the words of love he or she needs to hear UNTIL they sink into her heart.

Then this morning as I was listening to David Crowder’s new cd, the following…

When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills with hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh what love
Oh, what love, oh what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go

This is THE key in these times of deep despair. The times I’ve experienced deep depression. The times Penny experienced deep depression. To hold onto truth with everything we’ve got!

Satan comes with lies. You hear them in the last words Penny wrote “I cause hurt and trouble wherever I go.” He tells us “You’re too much trouble.” “You’re not worth the effort.” “You’re not good enough.” But those are lies from the father of lies. But the truth is that we are worth the effort, we are so worth the effort that God hung His Son on a cross for us. The truth is that we’re not good enough but in Christ the “not good enough” part is taken away.

Jesus said, “The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.” He did steal Penny’s physical life. But that’s not the end of the story.

In Isaiah 61 is the passage that Jesus uses to announce in John the reason that He came.

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—and to comfort all who mourn, to care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit, rename them ‘Oaks of Righteousness’ planted by God to display his glory.

I used to believe, like a lot of Christians do, that Jesus came to save us from the consequences of our sins, which is hell. So basically we just do what we can to get through this life so we can die and go to heaven. This is partly true but there is more—so much more! Jesus is giving us the abundant life He promised to us in this life as well by healing our broken hearts, setting us free from the things that hold us captive, giving us roses in the place of ashes(those things in our life that we mourn). In other words, He’s in the process of restoring us to the people He meant for us to be before all of the pain and hurts of this world “damaged” us.

For me this passage has come alive in mourning Penny’s death. Jesus has given me “bouquet’s of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.”

From our point of view, Penny seemingly did not get to experience much of the healing and freedom from captivity in this life. But the bouquet of roses, the message of joy that Jesus has given to me is that NOW Penny is restored to the beautiful, whole, complete person that God intended for her to be from the beginning. Even though God is in the process of restoring us to our former glory in this life, we don’t get to experience complete wholeness, complete restoration until heaven. So now all of the bad things of Penny’s life are completely stripped away. They are gone forever. And all of the good things, the best parts that we remember about Penny are even more shining and glorious. Now she is renamed an “Oak of Righteousness” planted to display the glory of God.

And just for Donna–a video!

I’ve been in the midst of a faith struggle lately(which is basically another way of saying I’ve been really pissed off at God). This has probably been triggered by a number of things, but the two main ones are a failed adoption we’ve recently experienced and some recurring physical struggles which have affected my ability to function at the level I would like to.

I have not wanted to really spend time praying or in the the Word for several weeks. I have had an ongoing dialogue with God alternating between begging for help/relief and questioning why life has to be so hard. And questioning whether this life I’ve chosen(following Him) is worth it.

This morning God awakened me at 5:30am with a deep desire to get up and spend time praying for a dear aunt who was to have surgery this morning. And the following is what I heard in the midst of a precious time with my Lord and my God. I was asking Him about why life FEELS so hard now even though I know we’ve ultimately won the victory.

Me: “Why does it feel like defeat so much of the time now?”

God: “Because you’re not listening to your deepest and truest heart.”

Me: “How do I do that?”

God: “By spending time with me.”

There was more, but this was the most significant for me. To read more on living from your new and good heart, you can go to Ransomed Heart. Also, John Eldredge has a new book coming out this month called Walking with God. I’ve read some excerpts, and it is REALLY GOOD.

I didn’t intend this to be an advertisement for Ransomed Heart. It’s just that their message, which I believe is the true gospel(not the screwed-up, distorted version we get most of the time), has transformed the way I live. And it helps explain some of the language in my conversation with God above.

I love this quote I read at God’s Politics.

What shalt thou do? … Do good. Do all the good thou canst. Let thy plenty supply thy neighbor’s wants; and thou wilt never want something to do. Canst thou find none that need the necessaries of life, that are pinched with cold or hunger; none that have not raiment to put on, or a place where to lay their head; none that are wasted with pining sickness; none that are languishing in prison? If you duly considered our Lord’s words, “The poor have you always with you,” you would no more ask, “What shall I do?”

John Wesley
“On Worldly Folly”

If you only read one book in your life you must read The Shack by William P. Young. I’ve thought a lot about this. I almost said that you should read the Bible and then The Shack, but unfortunately Christians have ruined the Bible for too many people by presenting a distorted picture of the truth of scripture. The Shack is one of the most profound, life-changing, brilliantly-written books that I’ve ever read. I do not believe that you can read it without being changed. I do not want to give anything away for those of you who have not read it, but it will challenge any views that you have of God and will present you with the kind of god you would wish for in your wildest dreams of the perfect god. And I believe that it portrays the truth of who God really is, and this truth is far from the way most Christians see him. And, honestly, it’s just written by a man, so God is probably even better than anything one of us could imagine!

Here are some of the endorsements from others:

“If God is all powerful and full of love, why doesn’t He do something about the pain and evil in our world? This book answers that age old question with startling creativity and staggering clarity. By far one of the best books I have ever read.” James Ryle, author Hippo in the Garden

“The Shack is a one of a kind invitation to journey to the very heart of God. Through my tears and cheers, I have been indeed transformed by the tender mercy with which William Paul Young opened the veil that too often separated me from God and from myself. With every page, the complicated do’s and don’t that distort a relationship into a religion were washed away as I understood Father, Son, and Holy Ghost for the first time in my life.” Patrick M. Roddy, Emmy Award Winning Producer of ABC News

“Don’t miss this! If there’s a better book out there capturing god’s engaging nature and his ability to crawl into our darkest nightmare with his love, light and healing, I’ve not seen it. For the most ardent believer or newest spiritual seeker, the shack is a must-read.” Wayne Jacobsen, author of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore

“An exceptional piece of writing that ushers you directly into the heart and nature of god in the midst of agonizing human suffering. This amazing story will challenge you to consider the person and the plan of god in more expansive terms than you may have ever dreamed.” David Gregory, author of Dinner with a Perfect Stranger

“This book goes beyond being the well written suspenseful page-turner that it is. Since the death of our son Jason the lord has led us to a small number of life-changing books and this one heads the list. When you close the back cover you will be changed.” Dale Lang (rockcanada.org), father of student killed in Columbine copycat shooting

Too much going on here to write lately, but I received this in one of my adoption e-mail groups. I love it!